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This article hates America, just like everyone else does. See more about Unamerica.

Consequently, this article lacks much or any redeeming intellectual value. However, even though no one smarter than a doorknob has contributed significantly to this article, it still contains more truth than you may be able to handle.

Zatlers is the current emperor of Latvia, otherwise known as "the land of young girls gone missing". He is known to decorate his garden with various pieces of garbage, such as televisions and babies. He is loved by his people and is well-known all across the world.


Zatlers was born in 1910, despite the fact that he is eighteen years of age, in a peacock farm in South Africa. He was raised by two peacock prisoners, who, a few days after Zatlers's birth, fled the farm in hopes of finding a lord of the rings: the fellowship of the ring DVD. During his years with his peacock family, he gained super-human strength, mostly due to the fact that the peacocks in the farm were exposed to radiation, in order to increase the green-ness of the peacock feathers. At the age of three, he was taken from his peacock parents and given to the president of Korea for unknown reasons. The Korean claims that he uses the boy for mowing his lawn, even though the president of Korea lives in a house on the sea side, which has no lawn. This leads people to believe that the president of Korea likes badgers.

Rise to power[edit]

In 1501, when president of Latvia, Virus Vicky Fry-burger slept with the dark lord of sausages, George the walking bush of the turbulent states of new-Zealand, Zatlers hired his girlfriend, Amane Misa, from the popular anime series "death note" to assassinate virus and George. By doing so, Zatlers gained control of Latvia and, later on, took over Europe with his deadly cyborg ninja-wizard polar bear army. Zatlers now rules the Internet, because he is a nerd which is incapable of actually conquering anything in the real world. In reality, Zatlers lives a sad, unrewarding life and gets harassed by stray cats.

Role in the destruction of the planet earth[edit]

Zatlers played a very important role in the destruction of earth. He stole a support beam from the the historical Latvian tourist attraction, the Pidor tower, causing the 1 meter high tower to collapse and fall on an innocent cat. Zatlers claimed the stick was for his garden, but no one believes him. The cat sued Zatlers later on, and Zatlers was bankrupt. Knowing this, other countries began nuking themselves to attract public attention. A total of 150 countries nuked themselves. And as a result, the world exploded and everyone died.

The cat[edit]

The victim of the Pidor tower accident, the anonymous cat named fluffy, sued the emperor of Latvia and later on became supreme overlord of the rock, the only piece of land that survived the great catastrophic explosion of doom and utter destruction.

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