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Your creature will eat its own shit more often.

“I know it's just a type of cake, but it doesn't feel right!”

~ Veganon eating zebra cakes

“Zebras are very sexy and magnificent creatures.”

“Hello, Mr. Zebra. Can I have your sweater? Cuz it's cold! Cold! Cold! In my hole! Hole! Hole!”

~ Tori Amos on some random zebra

“It's a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes.”

A zebra (French: Ze garment which holds up ze bosom) is a mythical creature invented by Al Gore, somewhat akin to the unicorn. Unlike the unicorn, however, the Zebra does not exist, having become extinct due to its poor camouflage abilities.


Legend has it that the Zebra was decorated by Queen Victoria with yellow polka dots on a pink background after having seen Mr Blobby and probably one too many lines of coke. Such a design is not conducive to survival in the sub-Saharan climate of Siberia, and Zebras were all too quickly devoured by the native clinja population.

Zebras are usually kept in special pens or, more rarely, pencils in the Nebraskan Rain forest of '66. A good dentist can usually pick them off from seven hundred paces, though in modern times this practice is frowned upon. Also, in recent years, research indicates that zebras have a fondness for melons. Several successful hunts also confirms that zebras may easily be captured by placing watermelons on flat rocks in clearings.

The Zebra's legendary reputation has resulted it to make star appearaces in many popular children's story books. A handful of these include The Ugly Duckling, Jack and the Beanstalk, and Return of the Jedi.

The plural for Zebra is Zobrani.

New Breed Of Zebra Discovered[edit]

A typical Zebra, always educating

This new breed had been stumbled upon by mistake. Russian scientists were conducting experiments on water balloons, and their effectiveness in caves, when they found these evil versions of the zebra.

Zebra in traditional attire

This "evil" zebra retains are the same features as normal zebra except for their evil nature. They are known to travel in hunting packs of up to 3 or 40. They are also slightly smarter then their counter-parts, although they are still easy to spot from a great distance. The usually charge their victims from behind with spoons and other easily obtainable kitchenware. Making school cafeteria and the back alleys of restaurants common grounds for them. Their main method of killing victims is to humper them to death. If sighted in your local neighborhood, a suitable method of escaping would be to stand exactly still. Nobody knows whether the fuck it works, but try it anyways.The Zebra has many different names, such as Flactiod, flarp or the muffin man. Zebras get these names due to their huge, wet floppy,hair,juicy tortilla

Zebra Invincibility[edit]

It is a relatively unknown fact that all zebras are invincible. To create the illusion that they are not they kidnap horses on a regular bases and paint stripes on them to disguise them as zebra. This means that when a zebra herd is attacked the much faster zebras can out run the horse and leaving them to die, inevitably leading to more horse kidnappings.

Horse undergoing zebra disguising.

Related to Hippos[edit]

Zebras are actually more closely related to the hippo than to the horse or unicorn. More specifically it is mostly related to the fat hippo and they can be often seen sharing the same water hole, same jokes and generally have a lot in common.

Zebra Politics[edit]

Under the apartheid system in South Africa (176 BC - 2006 AD) Zebras suffered huge discrimination. Denied classification as "White" and rejected by the black community, Zebras were forced to use Elmo-only public toilets and excluded from all but Elmo bars. Elmo beer (brewed from hay and shit like that) was launched in 1982 and soon proved popular, allowing equines of all hues to become equally shit-faced, no mater the level of oppression they had to endure.