Zombie Types

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An Irish zombie dance troupe.


Let's say you're walking along minding your own damn business one night when suddenly out of nowhere, a Zombie pops out and has the audacity to try to assault you. What is it you are supposed to do in this situation? You could run but how do you know for how long, where to and how fast? You could fight but how do you know what to fight with, where to strike and how hard? You could plead but how would you know if this Zombie has the capacity to understand what you are saying? You could play dead but then you’d just get killed.

Unfortunately there is no single answer to this question as there are many different kinds of Zombies with just as many different methods of dealing with them. There are several varieties of the typical garden variety zombie, depending on what caused the people to become zombies, they may show different varieties of physical and mental strength, and naturally, the tactics used to fight each variant differ accordingly.

That is why we have comprised this list of the different kinds of Zombies you are likely to come across in your day to day life. With this handy list you will be able to immediately spot the kind of Zombies you are against and how to act consequently.

Zombie Types[edit]

Anti Jib Zombie, Peanut Jib Zombie , Poison And Semi-Rage Jib Zombie & Tank Zombie[edit]

Anti Jib Zombie
Anti Jib Zombie Torn Up His Picture
Type Raidioactive
Caused by Anti Jib, Itna Bij, Rotten Flesh jib, & Toxic Sludge Jib Fuse Together.
Killed By Headshots, Attack Reflected, Same Means as a human,& Headshot By Box of Peanuts or Bad Egg Helicopter..
Stats Medium strength
Very high speed And Super-High Speed (Sprinting And Piloting A Poorly Built Helicopter)
Impossibly Super High Advanced Unbelievably High intelligence
Weapon of Choice Its Box Of Peanuts,and sucker punch

These are Nearly Impossible to Kill. While they still just go in a straight line towards you, They Arm Themselves With A Cardboard Box of Peanuts, With A Recoil Pad (Which Is A Small Seismograph), An improved Scope with technology to the second power, A Trigger, And either 1, 2 or 3 barrels. (It's Supposed To Be A Kind Of Gun, anyway.) When they Shoot Dodge The Peanuts. Shoot Back And Hopefully They Die. But They Seem To Have Shields, Don't Shoot. Instead, Throw A Grenade. When It Explodes, They Reflect It, So Run, But They'll catch Up To You Anyway. Then, Pick Up A Devastated Zombie's Gun. They'll Put Up Their Shot-Up Shields, Then You Can Shoot It, especially When You Pick Up An Unused Gun (25% Chance You Will Get One) And Fire. They Are Sometimes Seen In Poorly Built Medium Sized Metal Box Helicopters, Or Poorly Built Cardboard Box Helicopters (Both Kinds Of Boxes Are Fueled By Soda cans Containing energy, Which Are Exposed So You Can Easily Destroy It), Shooting At You. Shoot The Boxes, And They'll Fall Into The Ground, Killing some zombies nearby. (And their scopes are undeniably powerful,like the hades' rifle, And it's so improved, Noobs can't figure it out.plus, since their guns are gauss-like,and can penetrate up to Over 9000 targets,tearing through the brain of the 1st target, making it a meal for them and zombies, so you are fucked either way.) Trying to outrun Fast-Dumb Zombies is almost a surefire way of being killed as not only are these Zombies able to run at superhuman speeds but they have unlimited stamina. So even if you managed to run fast enough not to get caught the moment you run out of puff you are a goner. Anti-Jib zombies tend to gather in ever-growing swarms around whomever they are attacking, so don't ever be lulled into a false sense of security thinking there are only a few. The Box Helicopter's Propellers Are Made Out Of Either Thin Slabs Of Balsa Wood Or Tungsten. The best way to slaughter these muthas is an angry black man with a shotgun. Failing that, a nuclear weapon will suffice. Another Way To Kill It Is Shoot The Power Source Of The Helicopter It's Using, or hit it with a grappling hook, climb up, slaughter the driver in the poorly built helicopter And Hijack It, But Beware The Others. up and Kill the Pilot of the Bad Heli. Then, You Go On To The Next Zombie Type. If you see one of these zombies, you're fucked. Unless you're happening to water your daisies in your garden at the time, then just spray them with the hose, it only makes sense and is the polite thing to do.The Tank Zombie is a big Zombie that will run you down and kill you

See the documentary, "Dawn of the Dead" for information on this type of zombie.

Slow-Dumb Zombie[edit]

Slow-Dumb Zombie
Zombie idol.jpg
Type Undead
Killed By Everything, Headshots,
Stats Low/moderate strength
Extremely low speed (shambling)
Extremely low intelligence
Weapon of Choice Biting to turn others into Zombies, Eating Your brains

Possibly the most common and wellknown variety of zombie, as well as the easiest to defeat. They are unable to move quickly, and are not smart enough to do anything other than walk (well, shamble) towards the nearest human they can detect. What causes these zombies to form is disputed but leading authorities in zombification literature believe that it is caused by zombie monkeys and what causes them is unknown. Most of the time you could survive an attack by them simply by walking away somewhat quickly. The only time you may really need to destroy these zombies is if you are really bored. Unfortunately, somehow the rest of the world is so stupid that by the end of the movie there will be an overwhelming number of these things trying to get into your safe house and your only hope is an impromptu rescue by the surviving members of the Jesus Society of Free Love.

These Zombies are ridiculously easy to defeat. How they manage to take over the world in the "Dead" series we will never know. Even though they can only be killed with damage to their brain, all you have to do is walk up to it and shoot it in the face at point blank range, and unless it somehow takes you more then a minute to do that, the zombie can not possibly have time to get you. If you don't have a gun, some kind of blade, pointy object or even a blunt cudgel of some kind will just as easily suffice. Hell, you could punch one of these zombies to death if you really wanted too. And if it does take you more than a minute to merely lift your arm and pull the trigger odds are you are probably a Slow-Dumb zombie too. A bite from one of these zombies will take hours if not all day to change you into a zombie giving you plenty of time to see a doctor and/or seek your revenge on the Zombie that bit you.

The best weapon for combating this breed of pesky and totally retarded undead is anything which has comedy value, i.e. Pump-action-frying-pan, the pope's flower pot (the plant being fed on holy water will cause some sort of fun effect), hiring a samurai to beat the zombies to death with a fish, lawnmower with spray tube... and so on. The US army has been training for the zombie apocalypse by using the ultra realistic zombie apocalypse simulator Dead Rising, a civilian simulator titled Left 4 Dead is also available.

For more fun regarding Slow-Dumb zombies, view the documentary Shaun of the Dead.

Hey if you cannot get away from one of these zombies you should have already been dead and if you do not know how to kill one of them you should just lie down in the middle of the street and either let a zombie kill you or just get hit by a car it will hurt a lot less and you will not turn unless you have been dead before the zombie attacks.

Fast-Dumb Zombie[edit]

Fast-Dumb Zombie
Type Undead
Caused by Zombie monkeys
Killed By Headshots
Stats Medium strength
Very high speed (Sprinting)
Extremely low intelligence
Weapon of Choice Biting to turn others into Zombies, Eating Your brains, outrunning you

These are somewhat trickier. While they still just go in a straight line towards you they are able to run like fucking tri-athletes. These zombies are caused by what scientists call, "Mysterious Forces" that randomly beset people and cause them to desire eating human flesh (especially Brains.) But they are as dumb as the Slow-Dumb zombie, and doing something like shutting a door in front of them will baffle them.

Trying to outrun Fast-Dumb Zombies is almost a sure fire way of being killed as not only are these Zombies able to run at superhuman speeds but they have unlimited stamina. So even if you managed to run fast enough not to get caught the moment you run out of puff you are a goner. Fast-Dumb Zombies tend to gather in ever-growing swarms around whomever they are attacking, so don't ever be lulled into a false sense of security thinking there are only a few.

To defeat zombies such as this, it is best to get to a high place, block any easy entrances, and start chucking solid projectiles such as rocks. When you run out of rocks, break out a semi-automatic of some sort.

The best way to slaughter these muthas is an angry black man with a shotgun. Failing that, a nuclear weapon will suffice.

See the documentary, "Dawn of the Dead" for information on this type of zombie.

Student zombie[edit]

Slow-Smart Zombie
Type Undead Student
Caused by Extreme lack of coffee, and general unpleasant activities.
Killed By Decapitation
Stats Low strength
High speed (Running)
High intelligence
Weapon of Choice Outsmarting you, trapping you and MacGyvering you.

This type of zombie is one of the more dangerous ones, seeing as they have acquired a great amount of knowledge through extra curricular activities, such as reading. What this means for you survival is simple: Stay away, they will find methods of MacGyvering your ass! Given half a chance they can make everything from coffee (which is another thing they crave in addition to brains) to deadly weapons given a bag of peas.

Ways of dealing with this kind of zombie: 1. Do not expect to be able to run away (seeing as they are starving and you have two things they want, coffee and a brain, they will go after you in a close to light speed) 2. As to counter point 1. you should always carry at least one of the two things they want in order to act as bait, carrying a spare brain might cause unwanted attention to yourself so I'd suggest a lot of coffee would be the way to go. 3. If all else fails as a last resort you could try throwing books, these zombies are notorious for their knowledge and who knows they might just sit down and read some (if you're lucky).

Slow-Smart zombie[edit]

Slow-Smart Zombie
Type Demons
Caused by Opening a Porthole to Hell
Killed By Hilariously weedy pistols, shotguns, chainguns, rocket launchers, weird plasma thingies, and the BFG
Stats Medium strength
Low speed (Walking)
High intelligence
Weapon of Choice Outsmarting you, trapping you

These zombies are unable to move quickly but are smart enough to use weapons and hide in wait until you are vulnerable to attack. No matter how many times you get away they always seem to find you again. These zombies can be really tricky. These zombies are created by hellspawn that crawl out of portals that open up when you touch yourself at night, and the punishment is dire indeed. For a good idea of how to deal with these zombies, see the fine computer simulation, "Doom".

These Zombies are undead humans who have been turned into brain-dead killing machines by the demons. These zombies are found in various forms, ranging from former civilians to soldiers to even some 24th chromosome bullshit that was just made up for the movie and had nothing to do with the original games.

To slay these zombies, you first need the blue key card...oh, just get that black guy, or a hazmat team, or both. Actually, screw the team. Grab a Big Fucking Gun and blow the crap out of the shadows. Alternately, it is also possible to obtain a sample of the zombie disease in question and turn into one of the fuckers. Then you can really whip their asses in style.

Fast-Smart zombie[edit]

Fast-Smart Zombie
Possessed ed.jpg
Type Undead
Caused by The Necronimicon
Killed By Chainsaws, Shotguns, "The King, Baby", Nuclear Weapons, Bruce Cambell, Some dude named Ashley - seriously, his name is Ashley
Stats Medium strength
Very high speed
High intelligence
Weapon of Choice Outsmarting you, trapping you, outrunning you, biting you turning you into a Zombie

These zombies are a bunch of pricks. Although they are the rarest kind of zombie, the destruction and death they cause is complete.

These zombies are much harder to kill in melee combat than the other types. Getting up high won't always stop these buggers either - apparently zombie viruses can work wonders for vertigo, obesity and lack of coordination. They might climb up after you, so remember to have an exit strategy - otherwise, plan on being an undead abomination. No matter how fast you run, they always seem to catch up.

Your best bet is to get a gun and start going for point-blank range shots. Do not worry about your inexperience with firearms; during most zombie outbreaks, the guys that know how to handle guns, always seem to die rather quickly. So it is best that you don't know how to handle a weapon. All survivors have the innate ability to handle guns with no problem.

However, if your town is besieged by an entire horde of fast-smart zombies, you may consider using your gun to kill yourself. But if you have a nuke, you can splatter these zombies quite well. If you don't have a nuke, you can actually trick the zombies effectively enough by forging a piece of government legislation that says you do.

The most known case of a Fast-Smart zombie was in Day of the Dead.

"Oh shit" zombie[edit]

Oh Shit! Zombie
Type Cursed Living
Caused by Gas Contamination/Stealing Cursed Treasure
Killed By Minigun full of incendiary bullets, being scripted to not die and killing it, nuke, Raptor Jesus, Chuck Norris also it can be stopped by just standing there and try to see if you can give it a big old hug........and if not you are fucked
Stats Extreme strength
High speed
High intelligence
Weapon of Choice Being Invincible, Spreading Virus and Stealing Treasure

As depicted in the Return of the Living Dead documentaries and Pirates of the Caribbean, these zombies are impervious to just about everything. Damaging the brain won't slow them down at all. Decapitating them just means you now have a zombie head and a zombie body both coming after you. They also seem to posses a certain level of intelligence and a variety of speeds. Some are even able to cooperate with each other, make plans, and talk.

While burning them destroys the zombies themselves, it may also guarantee that the ashes will infect something else and make them into a zombie. This is known as Zombie Pollen.

The first type of this Zombie from the Return of the Living Dead documentaries are caused when a bumbling pair of employees at a medical supply warehouse accidentally released a deadly gas into the air, which vapors caused the dead to re-animate as they went on a rampage through Louisville, Kentucky seeking their favorite food, brains. That is one of the main difference is that the zombies feed specifically on human brains, this is because eating brains stops the pain of being dead, for a little while at least.

The second type of these Zombies are just Pirates. So imagine all the awesomeness and total bad assery of your average Pirate, but combine that with the fact that these Pirates can't be killed, except for by ninjas.

If these type of zombies are encountered...well, you're screwed. Nice knowing ya'.


Conclusive internal reports from the FDA, the CIA and your mom indicates that a sub-group of zombie/vampire hybrid was developed by some disturbed scientist located somewhere in a trailer park in Texas. Not much is known on this particularly weird and dangerous form of zombies, except that it is known to be constantly looking for "bloooooooood" instead of "braaaaiiiiiins". The very idea of what a vampire zombie would be like has generated such confusion within both the zombie and vampire hunting communities that most hunters have decided to just get a life (and a real job).


Not to be confused with the infamous vampire-zombie hybrids. Actually just vampires who are in constant need to eat brains instead of drinking blood. Also if you see one you should soil yourself and run like hell, because if you think a normal zombie or a normal vampire was scary, try to fight a hybrid -- you will not do any damage to it for it can heal as fast as it wants to......

S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Zombie[edit]

S.T.A.L.K.E.R. Zombie
Type Vodka-Brain
Caused by Brain Scorcher, Controller, Mike Tyson
Killed By Headshots, Spitting at them, Vodka, and basically just about everything in this world
Stats Medium strength
Very slow speed (Shambling)
Extremely low intelligence
Weapon of Choice Shooting you poorly with a gun, stealing your vodka

S.T.A.L.K.E.R. zombies are probably the weakest zombies to be encountered on Earth, Mars and Alpha Centauri, they are technically living yet managed to convince the zombie government to pass immigration reforms allowing them full citizenship, as such zombies do not eat them anymore. However, these zombies are slightly smarter, they fire guns at you and moan in Russian, also they try to steal your vodka, which is ironic because vodka kills them. It is not understood how the blood of Russians can kill Russian zombies but it's supposed that perhaps Oprah Winfrey gave them a blood transfusion. That or AIDS. S.T.A.L.K.E.R. zombies are created by the radio channel of Keith Richards, constantly being played repeatedly by a transmitter which sends it straight into your BRAIN so you can't stop listening to it. Eventually you'll go insane and turn into one of Keith Richards clones.... Due to the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. zombies high radioactivity it's not advised to go near it for point blank range, unless you're Chuck Norris or Dick Cheney as they both eat radiation for lunch. The good thing about these zombies is that they conveniently carry weapons and ammunition as well as medical kits, porno mags and stolen vodka which means you can go forever killing them without really worrying. (If you are a Russian then you are technically a vampire because you need vodka to survive, if not YOU'RE NOT RUSSIAN) If you see a S.T.A.L.K.E.R. zombie controlled by a controller (see Ophrah Winfrey) then your fucked, the controller will turn your monitor into a dialysis machine and make your speakers sound like they are reciting the bible backwards. Eventually you'll be forced to shoot yourself, oh well.

Rage Zombie(Super-Pissed Off-Fast-Zombies-That-Will-Rip-Off-Your-Face-Rather-Than-Eat-You)[edit]

Rage Zombie
Type Virus Infected
Caused by Rage Virus
Killed By The same means as a human:
Stats High strength
High speed (running)
Moderate intelligence cause they're too pissed to think straight
Weapon of Choice Anger, Beating you to death, spreading infection through fluids

There has always been a great deal of debate about whether this particular species of zombie is just a variant fast-smart zombie, or whether in fact they are zombies at all. However, these debates are usually quashed by a quick line on how "Just 'coz they look the same, doesn't mean they ARE the same, you goddamned racist!" Strictly speaking, they are not zombies perse, but are still under the same classification for convenience. These zombies were created in 2002 by the scientist Dr. Danny Boyle; they are in fact humans who were exposed to a virus that fills them with murderous rage, inciting them to kill every living thing in the most brutal way you can imagine (but like all other types of zombies, not each other, I never understood that, like they all starve to death because they kill everything that's moving except for each other, why don't they eat each other then, oh yeah, they're too pissed off, and anyway let's not get side-tracked here, back to the main topic!). So basically, they possess the same characteristics as a regular human, except they are really, really pissed off.

Because they are still basically human, the Rage zombies can still run fast and climb walls. They cannot, however, eat stuff, presumably because they're just too damn pissed to eat. Therefore, the main cause of death in "Rage" zombies is starvation. Killing them can be done in the same way as killing a normal human, except these zombies will be a bit more pissed when they die.

Aside from the fast running, wall vaulting, tendency to pack together, and the obligatory hissing, groaning, and ripping things to shreds with their bare hands and teeth (as if that weren't identification enough), all "Rage" zombies have glowing red eyes. You can primarily become one if you are bitten by one, or if their blood mixes with yours. They have the ability to vomit blood which makes them particularly contagious. Becoming one will only take 28 seconds, so if you see someone get bitten, kill them while it is still easy to do so.

Keep away from the body!
Fighting these zombies is a little more complicated then the other zombies. For the other zombies, you either just fought them or ran, but these zombies require more technique. Because these zombies are created by a highly contagious virus(much worse then chickenpox) maintaining quarantine and sanitary conditions is of uttermost priority. Do not get near them, lest ye be exposed to infection! Attack these zombies from a safe distance, preferably while wearing biohazard suits, burn the bodies, and maintain quarantine at all costs!

So a little piece of advice, these pricks are most commonly found in groups ranging from big to small, they are so scary you'll end up shitting yourself trying to get away, like a large group of Rage zombies could kill a grue, 'cuz they're so pissed, so in the case you run into some,...RUN TO THE WOODS MOTHER FUCKER! RUN TO THE FUCKING WOODS!!!

For more information on "Rage" zombies, seek out the docu-drama "28 Days/28 Weeks Later".

Slither Zombie[edit]

Slither Zombie
Slither Dude.jpg
Type Worm Infected
Caused by Alien Worms
Killed By Fire, Killing the worm as well as guy, failing at the box office
Stats High strength
High speed (running)
High intelligence, one consciousness shared through big nasty primo guy
Weapon of Choice Slashing, hurting, eating, worming into you and turning you into mondo zombie.Then you go BOOM!!!!!

First found normally peaceful town of Wheelsy, they are alien worms that come from space hidden in meteorites, and take one person and turn em into zombie king and he makes a fat person and they explode and he uses the worms from them to make more zombies! Confused? Yeah, so are we.

These creatures are only concerned with its domination of the planet it is located at and the increase of its numbers, so it is therefore advisable that you don't let them do this. Despite their near animalistic qualities, the creature is quite intelligent and capable of developing tactics. But whether this was a quality it developed from its hosts that it consumed or a natural aspect is unknown. It is interesting to note that the original behaviours of the host are adopted by the prime host and therefore adopted by the parasites themselves. Strong emotions like love to an individual can dominate the alien DNA and impart a sense of protection to those the parasites hosts loved. However, if faced with the possibility of destruction, then the creature will violently attempt to destroy any threats to its well being. It is advisable, to play it safe and not get emotionally attached to this zombie. Just because it looks like your old husband, and says it loves you like he did, doesn't mean he isn't going to try and worm you in the face.

The creatures seem to use the tactic of numbers to overpower and overwhelm the host species without using advanced forms of weaponry but natural qualities. Infected hosts that develop into zombies also attempt to use their personal connections such as friendships as well as family relationships to trick the hosts into cooperating. Despite this, the creatures seem to have a fear towards flame based forms of attack, possibly because these are perhaps the only true form of attack that can possibly destroy the parasites. Even if the 'zombie' hosts are decapitated, the parasite inside can survive, leave the host and attempt to infect a new host.

The creatures are all subservient to the prime host which they protect at all costs, mainly because its death spell their deaths due to a unique mental hive-mind link. A nest is developed with a chamber devoted to the prime host, a chamber for the incubators and a chamber where food is stored. Around this nest, the zombie's attempt to defend that territory while others go out to hunt and gather.

For more information, seek out the mockumentry Slither.

Dark Seeker Zombie[edit]

These zombies are the byproduct of a known cure for cancer which backfired in 2009, killing roughly almost all the human population and rendering the rest as Infected. These zombies are by far the most realistic of all. Things to consider are:

Their Strength and Speed: 1,010,101,010,101,010,101,010,101,010,101,010x that of a normal human.

Average Heartrate: about 4,000,000

Average Body Temperature: around 100-105 degrees Celsius

Their Homosexuality: 100%

Average car driving skills: near 0%

Weaknesses: any type of firearm will kill them; blood of the Immune, LIGHT, Will Smith (this has yet to be confirmed), Charlton Heston (confirmed in 1971), two girls and one cup (confirmed yesterday), and Grues (never confirmed, never will be confirmed)

For more information view the future historical record I Am Legend, which is of course the historically correct version of "The Last Man On Earth", a movie starring the real-life last-man-on-Earth, Vincent Price and his lovely assistant Hulga Murloch.

Zombie Sub-Types[edit]

While the amount of different types of Zombies may be limited to those mentioned above, the Zombies can then turn into one of the following sub-types of Zombies. For example, if any of the aforementioned Zombies were to be lit on fire, regardless of their previous type, they would then become a "Flame Zombie". Because of this it is also possible to make "Combo Zombies", by say, getting a Soldier bitten by a rage zombie making a "Rage Soldier Zombie", or teaching a Fast-Smart Zombie to dance making a "Fast-Smart-Dancing Zombie". The potential combinations make up for hours of fun!

Zombie Soldiers[edit]

If the military is unsuccessful at containing a zombie outbreak as they are sure to be, this is what results: Shit, there's a 75% chance that they'll still know how to use guns and the helmets and bullet-proof uniforms only make killing these pests all the more difficult. If you're ever confronted by this somewhat common breed of zombie, get a gun and shoot them in the face. Then, try shooting its legs (zombies are not known for their balance). If that doesn't work, just lie down, and stay down. Now watch the soldier zombies rip you apart while you're still alive, but perhaps you're more afraid of what the government will do to you once they find out you haven't filed your tax return yet...

Shemale zombie[edit]

Also known as Sheri Moon Zombies. Treat these like any other zombie and kill it quickly. Don't start to think necrophilia is alright if it's the body of Jessica Alba staring you down. She is even more likely to claw your eyes out now during sex, and besides, your bowels empty when you die (just hope that she dumped before she died). That's a turnoff for anyone. Well, almost anyone, but let's not go there... yet... mmmm dead vagina...

Flamer Zombie[edit]


These zombies are the most deadly of all. They have been created by some idiot human trying burn them only to have 70 KGs of flaming (LOL) zombie rip out their brains with an almighty "Blargcaaaaakes!!!!".

If you see one of these zombies, you're fucked. Unless you're happening to water your daisies in your garden at the time, then just spray them with the hose, it only make sense and is the polite thing to do...

Smelly Liberal Hippie zombie[edit]

Socks with sandals, cheese on everything; these foul creatures were seriously bred in the fires of hell. This dangerous breed of zombie is created when a young adult human experiments with a drug called marijuana and then go to a college where hippie professors tell them how the corporations and the government are destroying the world. Alternatively, any Canadian, French, or French Canadian will become one of these socialist zombies at some point, and this is why they are part of the Axis of Evil. When the hippie zombies reach full maturity(usually after the first year of contact with the hippie professors)they begin to protest and hold rock music festivals (Woodstock, Burning Man, for Chrissake don't you see the madness?!?). In the end, there are few ways to kill these horrible creatures. Some of the more effective processes are: Metal(Slayer, Cannibal Corpse, it all works), the National Guard(all these guys do is target practice, so headshots are no problem) or arsenic.

 One exception is "Percy the Hippy zombie"  Percy met his end at Woodstock and figured he lay around in the dirt enough and went off to party some more.  
 He doesn't protest, he's neither liberal nor conservative, opting to start his own thing called the Dead Man's Party.  He is also known as CK Percy.

Misspelled zombie[edit]

Misspelled zombies are created when some idiot who never capitalizes the first word in a sentence is writing about zombies. Every time the word "zombie" is misspelled, the zombie in question becomes a misspelled zombie. They most often present as zmobies, although variations like zobmies are not uncommon, and reports of a strain of zmombies have recently brought the "One M" theory into question. Misspelled zombies generally retain the characteristics of their zombie counterparts, becoming, among others, fast stupid zmobies, slow stupid zobmies, conjoined zmombies, corpulent zmobies, graverobber [sic] zobmies, et cetera. When a zombie becomes misspelled, it loses its ability to cause infection, because zmobification just sounds stupid.

For more information, see Tales from the Cyrpt.

Pageant zombie[edit]

Little is it known that beauty pageants are actually used to build a giant zombie army. They are often blonde and beautiful, but look only slightly made of plastic. It is very difficult to tell that the girls and women who have won pageants are actually zombies. The crowns and trophies that are received by the contestants are actually mind control devices that turn the girls into zombies. They malfunction if the girl is too smart. The head of all pageants is Oprah Winfrey, and she uses her mass zombie armies to prepare for world domination.

Dancing zombie[edit]

Experts are still arguing what exactly these zombies are like. They don´t really fit one of the main categories above, as they are dumb(see above) and can´t walk fast, but are fast and smart enough to dance. And man, they got some moves. In theory, those zombies are spawned in a place commonly known as Neverland Ranch, the name alluding to the endless sources of horror this ground provides. It is widely believed by other zombies to be a zombie of inferiority. An interesting note: When these zombies start to dance, they somehow cause all other zombies in the immediate vicinity to dance in perfect coordination.

Escaping these zombies is rather easy. Just hope they´ll start dancing, and while they´re busy, run for it. Seriously, you should be good with that. Don´t wonder about that music you´ll hear without any source, just take it as a blessing and leave. Although you could stay and enjoy the show, experts agree that being alive is more preferable to being eaten or forced to dance.

See: Michael Jackson


Found around national capitals, state/provincial capitals and town centers, these zombies turn you into one of them by forcing you to run for office. Some are Admins on Uncyclopedia. Others are users of Wikipedia.
Oh those brain eating nation-founders!
There are some rumors that they are led by George W. Bush and his army of morons. He uses the zombie politicians in congress to make them vote for stupid things like the Iraqi invasion and the eventual invasion of Iran. This is the most retarded type of zombie ever... of all time...

Zombies Only You Can See[edit]

These are the zombies that appear in odd black and white places with narrators. It usually turns out that you're the zombie or a ghost or something or you're the only non-zombie in the area. The best way to combat these zombies is screaming at everyone else about how there are zombies everywhere and being taken away by the police to the "special house" where they'll put you in an "anti-zombie coat and room because zombies can't go into cushioned areas".

Lithuanian Zombies[edit]

These zombies are found only in Didžiasalis, Lithuania. It's an evil magical place that turn anyone living there into a zombie. They aren't really undead, only their brain have perished. But they try to keep them intact by using large quantities of alcohol. And since alcohol isn't free, these zombies have to work. Their main line of work is collecting used bricks. These come from various ruins scattered in the area: Babylon, Death Star II, the Pyramids and few abandoned factories. Moreover, these zombies use tools, like wheelcarts and need housing and food. They are not aggressive, unless you threaten their bricks, and are legally protected by the law of Lithuania. That means that you can shoot them in secret and get away with it.

Rob Zombies[edit]

A Rob Zombie

Special form of zombie that does not attack directly, but through crappy movies which render the watcher's colon into a poodle. They have also been known to dig ditches while burning witches, then proceeding to run you over with a Dragula. Rob Zombies can be identified from other zombies by the clear physical distinctions such as long dirty hair, hot wives, and a collection of old scary movie memorabilia. Also known as superbeasts.

Invisible Zombies[edit]

Invisible zombies are very sneaky. They can attack without warn..AAAGH MY LEG!...braiinss braaaiiinns... and guess what? You cannot see them! Because they are invisible! The formula of Invisible Zombies would be

Cassi Zombies[edit]

This is another type of zombie that does not attack. Cassi Zombies are most often found wandering around less populated countrysides, and since they blend in fairly well (they have obtained, after years of evolution, the appearance of teenage girls) they have also been spotted working at local supermarkets. These types of zombies are not always friendly. If you are to attack a Cassi Zombie or anger a Cassi Zombie, they may attack as a regular zombie, but slightly more powerful.

Gay Zombies[edit]

Like any other zombie except these zombies do not scream and moan "brains", oh no, these zombies, my friends, moan "Cooooock!","Penis!" and so on. They do not eat you from the top down either, they start in the crotch area and eat everything there. They then leave your screaming body to attract more threatening zombies to devour the rest of your body.It's zombie teamwork. Try to prevent this from happening by grabbing your coock and run like the heterosexual that you are!!!

Marvel Zombies[edit]

Generic Marvel zombie

Marvel zombies are like normal zombies, except they have super powers. Marvel zombies can destroy cities and can shoot lasers from their eyes. Luckily, for some reason, marvel zombies often kill each other. Probably because it doesn't matter anymore that they fought like idiots when they were alive. Using this to your advantage may let you kill two X-men with one shell. They are located everywhere comic book superheroes are. For example: Small cities, large cities, forests, Janet Van Dyne's bedroom, your mom's house and any location with "Bat" in its name.

Another weakness they have is after they feed, some turn introspective and emo and bemoan their zombie-like fate, because they're smart like that. So your best bet is to sacrifice your companion to the zombie hordes and if the Marvel Zombies start crying like little girls, you can like shoot 'em or run away. Of you're doing both, do the shooting part first, because it is easier to aim.

The Zombies[edit]

In 1964 Argent who was actually a Zombie formed a band called The Zombies which were all Zombies who were out of work after the Sci-Fi movie craze died somewhere around that time. They had hit songs and a great album (That one with "Time of the Season"). However, Hippies ate The Zombies except for Argent who became a musician.

Perverted zombie[edit]

Perverted zombies prefer attacking females, although they mainly attack around the crotch and breast area, and can often be heard moaning "sex.....SEEEEEX", they appear as short, between the age of 16 and 22, and can be seen wearing gunmetal grey glasses, and lots of black shirts, their preferred method of attack is to grab the girl by the ankles, and drag her into a dark alleyway,she may be seen alive a few hours later. Female perverted zombies have been seen in cases such as Dead Rising, wherein they grab Frank by the pelvis and proceed to nosh him off in a rather toothy and socially-awkward way. The perverted zombie can be killed by shooting it in the crotch, or by breaking its MP3 player.

Ninja Zombie[edit]

Zombies are cool, Ninjas ARE cool, do your math

Redneck Zombie[edit]

As in Redneck Zombies (dir. Pericles Lewnes,1987) it is a zombie type that comes to life whenever a redneck comes in contact with some radioactive stuff; it is more like a zombie, nevertheless it doesn´t want to do his cousin in, as opposite to his human counterpart.

Breakdancer Zombie[edit]

a strange type of zombie infection, whenever you are bitten by a breakdancer zombie you die and also feel a very rare urge to dance breakdance instead of brainfeast. whenever a large groups of these individuals gather, tends to choreograph

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Headless Zombie[edit]

this particular type of zombie runs into lots of walls and trips over small objects but don't be fooled these are one of the more dangerous types despite the fact that they are headless they can spew out blood from their throat holes and trust me if it comes in contact with any orifice you will become infected and die a slow painful agonizing death --Lilpunker555 08:10, April 5, 2010 (UTC)B&C