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A Zoroastrian (plural: Zoroastrians) is a believer in Zoroastrianism, a dualist belief system that holds that the entire universe is composed of of two diametrically opposed forces: Good, which takes the earthly form of orange juice, and Evil, manifested in our material plane as toothpaste. Zoroastrians believe the eternal struggle between the two bitter cosmic rivals is strongest in the morning.

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Zoroastrian.

Like Christianity, it also holds that Jesus is the messiah, except that Jesus was a crime fighter who fought evildoers, and Zorro and Batman are the two major prophets and carry out Jesus' battle against evil. Only the ancient word for Jesus or God is Mazda to Zoroastrians. Some mustachy guy couldn't seem to understand that, and wrote a fuckload of stuff about Übersmensch in space instead.

Founder of the movement.

Zoroastrianism was founded by Erich Ludendorff in 1923 on the morning of the Munich Putsch. It currently has over 300,000 followers world wide.

First Major Prophet[edit]

God's word as given by Zorro the prophet

Zoroastrians first major prophet was named Zorro. He lived in Mexico and was very well known for wearing a black mask and cape. His trademark was to use a sword to write the word of God upon the chest of evildoers. This made for very bad scripture. All we currently know is that God wanted the world to fully appreciate the letter Z. The founders of Sesame Street were personal disciples of Zorro and have continued to spread his message to this very day.

Second Major Prophet[edit]

Batman, the second major prophet to dress in black, wear a cape, etc.
Batman going crazy over his religion

When Batman was but a mere child, he watched a movie called "The Mark of Zorro" with his parents and converted to the Zorro religion. As they walked to their limo, a mugger killed his parents but left him to live. So Bruce Wayne prayed to Buddha to get big muscles and become a scientist with mad scientific skills to create batarangs and other cool gadgets. In honor of Zorro, Batman also dressed in black and wore a mask and fought evildoers. Batman helped bring the religion into science and modern times. Instead of marking evil doers with a "Z" Batman just beats the crap out of them instead and throws them in Arkham Asylum. But Batman had created some controversy as he always seemed to have a teenage sidekick, and rumors were that he got intimate with them. But using Michael Jackson's lawyers, Batman was able to clear his name. One of the symbols for Mazda is a Bat, from which Batman got his name from.zorro was know to be gay and had a fetish for mark twain and wanted to be with him.

See Also[edit]